I recently started reading a book called “Unleash Your Inner Money Babe” by Kathrin Zenkina and I have to say it might possibly be one of the best investments I’ve ever made in myself. For realz.
I had been looking for a new personal development book to read, but nothing, in particular, was calling out to me. And if I don’t feel drawn to it, it does not end up at check out 😉 However, while scrolling through my Instagram feed, I saw someone holding this adorable white and pink book in a photo and it instantly caught my attention. To make a long story short, that book was the one mentioned above. And after reading the summary of it on Amazon, I knew I had to have it.
I was so excited to start diving into this book that I totally bypassed getting the physical text and went straight for the Kindle version that I could read using an app on my iPad. I started reading right away and started learning more about the 21-day journey I was about to be on to start getting control of my finances. I totally couldn’t wait to wake up each day to read and perform the daily action items.
At the time, I really thought I was ready to dive into it. But after about 8 days of being consistent, I started to get a little lazy. And the next thing I knew, I was about 10 days behind. So I decided that I would put it on hold until I was truly ready to commit to reading and completing the daily action steps without missing a day or making excuses.
The funny thing is though, that even in the few days that I was being consistent, I saw a huge shift in the way I viewed money and in my financial situation itself. My goal was to manifest $1,000 in 21 days, and I was able to manifest about $800 in 8 days. But I didn’t even realize that I had done so because I was allowing myself to feel overwhelmed by all of the different things going on around me.
But this week, I had the house to myself with my husband gone visiting his family back East. And I decided that now was the perfect time to make the commitment to start again. And this time, I was going to follow through!
So on Tuesday evening I closed all the shades, lit some candles, put on some relaxing music and went to town with my iPad and new journal in hand. I was so excited to give this book my all. And the day one action steps were such an amazing starting point.
However, day two was a completely different story, and I’ll tell you why.
I’ll admit it. I’m someone who holds grudges. Not often. But when I do, I hold them and I hold them hard. I wish I could tell you exactly why I do this, but I suspect that it has a lot to do with feeling like I was taken advantage of by so many people throughout my lifetime before I knew how to actually stand up for myself.
You see, I have a pretty big heart.
I feel for people so deeply and nothing makes me feel more fulfilled than helping someone who is in need. So much so, that I got a bachelor’s and a master’s degree in Social Work, worked in the field for about a year and then decided I needed to leave the profession because I struggled so badly with not taking the work home with me.
But having such a big heart and zero backbone resulted in many people taking me and my kindness for granted. Eventually, I just got tired of being walked over and instead of feeling sad about it, I started to feel anger. And as we all know, hanging on to those angry, negative thoughts is worse for ourselves than it is for the other person.
It’s just not good for us, and it makes absolutely no sense.
(Anywho, back to the day two action steps)
So for day two, my assignment was based around writing down as many situations that I could think of that had a negative impact on my life that I still had negative feelings about. And honestly, when I saw the title of the chapter I thought to myself, “Ah crap. Totally thought this one was a little farther in the book!” I didn’t feel ready to tackle this again. Especially since the first time I don’t think I really dug deep enough.
But I knew that in order for all of this to work, I had to jump in full force. And so I sat in bed, put on my relaxing music, and started writing.
I was ready to trust the process.
And this time, so many things came up from my subconscious. So many things that I really thought I had let go of but were still making me clench my fists and tense my body. And before I knew it, I had written over 20 things down into my journal and my heart was absolutely racing.
The next step was to go through each scenario and person one by one and allow yourself to sit in the emotion that you felt for a few seconds, and then immediately afterward go through a process of forgiving each and every one of them and apologizing for holding the grudge.
I have to tell you, this was not an easy task for me. There were certain situations and individuals that I still just couldn’t wrap my head around how they could have done what they did. And for me, I knew I was going to have to take it a step further.
I remembered reading something in one of Gabrielle Bernstein’s books about how visualizing yourself in front of the person and allowing yourself to say what you need to say, hug them, and picture a beautiful light that connects the two of you (or something like that. I don’t know, I just kind of went with it in the moment lol) and I added that aspect into the mix in hopes that it would finally allow me to let go of all the hurt, all the pain, and all of the negative emotions that I was harboring deep inside my subconscious.
And woah, did it ever.
When I finally opened my eyes, I could feel the smile on my face and tears streaming down my cheeks. I felt this warmth come over my body and the tension I had been holding in it had disappeared. I felt like I had finally let go of 20+ years of anger, resentment, and negativity and literally felt about 50 pounds lighter. Wouldn’t it be nice if losing weight were that easy? 😉 But that’s a whole different blog post!
I slept like a baby that night and woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and with a new mindset. And the action item that I had dreaded ended up being the one that I clearly needed the most in my life.
But that’s usually how it goes though right? The things that we are afraid of, the things that we are running away from. Those are usually the things that we need to face more than anything else.
I know I’m not alone in holding onto these things. I know that there are so many others out there just like me who have had such a hard time letting go of the grudges and the negativity in their life. But if this is something that you’re struggling with, I highly recommend doing an exercise similar to the one that I described above to help you. I’ve even heard of people writing letters to each person with everything that they want to say, and then burning it at the end as a way of letting the feelings go.
But seriously, do whatever it takes for you to be able to feel like you can let go of that negative energy and move forward. Because that could be a huge factor that is blocking you from living your best life and getting to where you want to be.
I’m so grateful that the Universe connected me with this amazing book and I highly recommend it to anyone who is looking to uplevel not only their financial situation but also their life in general. You can purchase it on Amazon either in print or an electronic version for your Kindle. Either way, you definitely won’t be sorry and I cannot wait to share my experience at the end of the 21 days!